I go to the bank today

I go to the bank today to ask them to change my name on my account.

A boy child sits behind a desk and smiles a lot.
Me: “Here is my decree absolute, if you could update my details?”

Boy child taps things into the computer: “Certainly, we can sort that out straight away…….oh. I don’t suppose you have your birth certificate with you? Because we need that as well.”

I pinch the bridge of my nose, and enjoy it.
Me: “I’ve twice asked colleagues of yours in recent weeks what I needed to complete this, and they said ‘just the decree absolute’” I look a little forlorn.

Boy child: “Don’t worry, here is my card.” He presses it into my hand tenderly. “I am so sorry for the confusion. Ask for me next time you are in we will compensate you for any parking or bus fare you’ve paid.”

Me: “I walked here.”

Boy child smiles: “Well I am sure we can put a little something in your account to compensate.”

I have a terrible feeling that it’s either going to be his phone number, or his penis.